The Armchair Trilogy - I

The Sportsman

And bad mistakes
I've made a few
I've had my share of sand
Kicked in my face
But I've come through
— Queen (We Are the Champions)
It is very easy to spot them. Right from when they are young, they stand out in a crowd. They are always the last to be picked in a team, be it for their school or local alley group. For some, it may be a crushing blow, but they turn out for the try-outs each time. Later in high school and university, they can be found sitting in the stands and being the loudest supporters of their team. Fiercely patriotic, they will always be ready to defend their team in a public debate but also be the first to criticize their team's shortcomings in private. They are the quintessential armchair sportsmen.

Ask them about the latest business mergers or the way a stock market is behaving, and you will draw a blank stare. But ask them the score of Timbuktu vs. Tombuktu's soccer game and they will not only give a minute by minute analysis, but also how the coach should have asked Mr. A to play a little deep behind Mr. B so as to take advantage of the narrow opening in the defense. Furthermore, they will predict the outcome of the next game between the two sides in soccer, archery and lawn mowing.

It is a monumental effort to get up for work each morning — after all the alarm may have run out of batteries, but the biological clock works just fine for an early dawn game in secluded part of Southern hemisphere. Whilst not being satisfied with watching it, they also have to read each and every article that is printed on that game. If the writers viewpoint is not what they saw, then a long hour is spent in drafting a rebuttal with what they think should have happened. Finally, just to prove that they are right, they will watch the taped highlights after getting back home. For them, the entire year is one big sports event. If one season ends, some other sport fills that vacuum. So what if their team is not participating, this result will eventually affect their home side in a couple of months. Thus it is their moral responsibility to scout the competition. After all, the coaches may call any day for the input.

They are typically very shy when confronted with a social gathering of strangers. Usually not the first to break the ice, they fidget around till they hear a conversation about some game which someone happened to catch last night. That's all the invitation that they need to throw their hat into the ring and debate till the cows come home. "He should have bowled first. After all the wind blows from the south at this time of the year"; "Why didn't he pass the ball? His marker was not in position"; "Well that's what happens when you use a 7 Iron"; "The manager should have brought on a left-handed pitcher"; "She shouldn't have gone for an ace on the second serve"; "Is the coach a coward, its 4^th and 1, just go for it"; "You should never use a 3 pit-stop strategy on this circuit"; "He should have held back till the final 100mts"; This continues till they realize that the original group of people has long disappeared with a bevy of beauties and the current audience is composed of couple of old ladies knitting while trying to stay awake.

Such is their life. Social hermits who are only fooling themselves. There is a different world out there, which they are too blind to see. But for all their naivety, they have a good soul. After all any person who shares the passion for someone else's success, without asking for anything in return, can't be bad. So next time a sportsperson raises the trophy and thanks the fans, he is really acknowledging these armchair fanatics who are watching them on TV, not those who have paid $1000 for a corporate ticket.